Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Everyone wants Rob..

It's kinda of hard for me to admit this, because it's kind of disgusting and unethical.

I won't lie, though. I would've so done Rob when he was in Harry Potter as Cedric Diggory. Yes, he may've been underage, and I was obviously legal. But, hello. Look at him. Would you not want to roll around in the sheets with this young lad? Sign me up!

Or better yet, him in Vanity Fair?

Those old pictures of Rob are amazing, don't let me take that away from him. But, NOTHING compares to Rob now. No one really knew who he was before Twilight even tho he's been in numerous shows. But, now that everyone knows who he is, they all want him. From crackheads to housewives, Robert Pattinson is now a household name. But you have to ask yourself one question: What would you REALLY do if you had Robert Pattinson for one night?

I don't think I should share my evening plans with everyone being that most aren't PG-13. Hey, I'm a woman who knows what she wants, I can't help myself. I'm sure there would be some discussion of his hygiene and if he showered within the last week before we engaged in our sextracariccular activities. Hey, even I have standards. And I'm sure he will want to take me to In-n-Out Burger to get dinner. We need all the strength and energy we can get for our long night of "snogging". Oh, the fantasies.

His status in Hollywood now is bringing admirers out of the woodwork. He has everyone from Eva Mendez to Natalie Portman, to Bruno wanting him. It's amazing what a little fame and a shower will do for you.

All I have to say is: Rob, pucker up them cheeks buddy. Bruno's coming for you.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Sorry, guys. I'm in Myrtle Beach on vacation. I'll be updating later this week with TONS to comment on.

Until then, I'll leave you with this....

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Rob's "Manhood"..

Okay, so I was over at RoAr (Random Acts of Rob), and I saw this picture were they were discussing the worst things Rob could START doing.

One of their points was the tragedy it would be if he actually started wearing underwear on a normal basis.

Usually, I think "free-balling" it, or going "commando" as guys call it is digusting. But, in Rob's case, it's art. And, to be honest, if he were to start wearing underwear on those particular days when he wears extremely tight pants, I'd die. We'd all be deprived of seeing his manhood. The body part that God gave him for a specific reason. May the reason be to make us swoon daily when we surf the web looking for pictures of him in tight pants. Or, it could be that God wanted him to reproduce and make a TON of LiL Rob's for the world to love. Or, it could be God's personal gift to me. You know, when Rob finally realizes he's in love with me and leaves Kristen/Emilie/Megan/Nikki/Camille or whoever he's with this week, and he shacks up with me. I would get to see that wonderful "gift" everyday of my life, and I could die happy.

Whatever the reason may be, God gave him his manhood and I THANK GOD that Rob loves to share that with us by wearing TIGHT pants with NO underwear. I also THANK the photogrpahers for getting the right angle of shots to grant us with photos like this one:

And I say now, like I once said before, it's not the size of the boat, baby. It's the motion in the ocean.
Rob, please, continue to find the tightest pants you can, and ignore putting on underwear in the morning. In fact, when you come over to my place, come nude. It's less of a hassle and we can get straight to the point.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Run, Rob, Run..

I'm sure everyone has seen the pics from the set of Remember me that surfaced yesterday in NYC. Rob's working very hard on this movie so he can finish in time to do Eclipse in August. All the man wants is to get back to his trailer so he can light up, kick back, and run his fingers through his beautiful hair that God gave him.

Well, let me just say THANK YOU to these girls right here. These girls who may have tainted ANYONE and EVERYONE'S fan status in Rob's eyes. The girls who have him terrified to go take a piss by himself. The girls who ruined ANY of us gettin' a hug and an autograph. The girls who made him more than likely piss his pants. The girls who probably have him in therapy now. The girls who have him second guessing his career choice. The girls who made all fans look like crazy slutbags. The girls who are in serious need of a good shanking. THESE GIRLS:

THANK YOU, CRAZIES!! Thank you for making the man of all of our dreams completely terrified of us! We really appreciate it.

I'm not going to lie, I'd prolly be in tears too if he walked by me, but in all honesty, I wouldn't throw myself at him. I wouldn't grab him if he didn't want to be touched, and I wouldn't try to run infront of him so he couldn't move. I wouldn't want him to think I'm nuts BEFORE I got to touch him. Weren't you thinking? Thanks to YOU girls, he's probably going to start carrying a shank.

If you weren't so crazy, and being such a mob, we couldn't gotten better pictures. Beautiful pictures. Pictures that make me have to hold onto something when I see them. Pictures like this one:

Please, stalkers, remember next time. When you approach THE Robert Pattinson, do it with grace, do it with style. Be nonchalant. He's not going to want ANYTHING to do with you if you're foaming at the mouth like some starving pittbull. Make the rest of us fans look good, not dangerous. GOSH!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Chelsea Lately..

So, I was on http://www.robsessedpattinson.com/ today and I found this video from Chelsea Lately from last night.
Of course, I totally disagree with what Chelsea had to say about Rob, but her co-anchor, was HILARIOUS! I'm pretty sure he may love Rob more than anyone.

My favorite part is where she asks if Rob and Kristen were together and the guy spazzed out. "THAT'S TOO MUCH HAIR FOR ONE WOMAN!!!"
Dear sir, you're my hero!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I no longer fear Robsten.

As we all know, Rob and Kristen are filming movies in between the Twilight saga movies.
Rob is in New York filming "Remember Me" with his BFF/boy toy Tom Sturridge. And, Kristen is in LA filming The Runaways (The Joan Jett story) with her new BFF Dakota Fanning.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the last couple weeks who almost had a heart attack when we saw the pics of Rob and Kristen the morning after the MTV Movie awards. But, rest assured fellow Rob fans! Not only has almost EVERYONE debunked the rumors of a "hookup", they've also put together theories about that morning that's made all of us realize that it's just not true.

Besides, we all know that Rob has better taste.

But, I was checking my daily websites today, and I stumbled across a set of pictures with Kristen's new look for "The Runaways". Not only was I disturbed, but I was also relieved. Behold:

Oh, I know, I know. She's supposed to look like Joan Jett, but wowza!! She looks like a scary emo BOY who is lettin' their locks grow out.

Like I said before, I'm relieved. If Rob is shagging THAT and he's okay with it, then I've lost all my will to live. But, I just don't see them hooking up with her looking like that. It seriously grosses me out. So, until her locks grow back and she dyes it back, I can rest assured and get a good nights sleep.

Robby, hon, she's more masculine than you are. She's awkward, dazed, and most likely confused. Mainly due to all that chronic she's been inhaling. For goodness sake's you had dinner with EVA MENDEZ last night. I'd be all about that hookup, she's gorgeous.

If this picture doesn't make your mind up for you, Rob, then I guess we are no longer.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Ohh la la..

So I was doing my usual, and cyber-stalking Rob. checking his updates on whereabouts, and seeing any news related to him. I stumbled upon this page that has nothing but videos of him.

I'm not feeling remotely humorous today, so I'm just going to post a couple of these videos. They made my day. The songs are amazing, and the pictures are just flat out orgasmic.

The song in the video above is AMAZING. So how I feel about you, Rob. Just remember, it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean.

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen, and oh so the truth. Well, most of it.
Rob, you now know how we see you through our eyes. Dazzling.

And of course, this isj ust the song I imagine to be playing in the background when Rob and I do it for the first time (that night). It's okay, Robby, don't be embarassed. R Kelly is a legend.

Maybe I shouldn't have watched these before I had to go to work. Impure thoughts will fill my mind. It'll be the death of me.

Monday, June 8, 2009


Well, we all know that guys have their little bond that we all like to call a "bromance". Sickening? Maybe.

Rob's got his own little entourage. Sam Bradley, TomStu, and Bobby Long.

Our suspicions were confirmed on Rob's whereabouts on Sunday afternoon when pictures surfaced of him in New York City.

Behold "TomBert".

I'm glad Rob has someone he can chill with, confide in, and cry on. not to mention the other various activites that he and TomStu can enjoy together.

I'm sure before every interview or live show, TomStu gives Rob a pep talk. I'm sure before every movie premiere TomStu helps Rob slide into his very tight pants.

I'm sure a gallon of crisco was used to slide into those.

TomStu may even be on set of each of the Twilight films to help Rob wax his beautiful chest.Who knows? I'm sure I'm not the only one who ponders how deep their "bromance" really goes. What line will the meaning of friendship cross with these two?

Rob, let me just warn you. I'm glad for your best friend, don't get me wrong. But, you know how girls get when they are best friends. They get territorial, bitchy, and conniving. I know you and TomStu have been friends for many, many years now, and that's wonderful! I'm sure you two even having matching friendship braclets, and I'm super jealous. Just don't let him come between your other relationships. First and most importantly, ours!

Don't let his head mysteriously pop up in our family portrait. Don't let his time of the month destroy our family vacation. And God forbid, when he comes to you claiming that I tried to sleep with him, don't let that destroy our life! You have to remember, TomStu's not used to sharing your attention and I'm afraid he may try to take it out on me.

TomStu, I would never dream of taking your beloved best friend away from you. Here's just a couple reminders for when you come over. No mentioning Rob's ex-girlfriends. Especially Kristen. I know you'll do your best to ruin my night. No talking about how you knew Rob before he was famous. I don't want you getting all nostalgic on us and making Rob have second thoughts about his career choice. We all know he just wants the normal life. And of course, when the socks on the door knob, DO NOT DISTURB.

If you can abide by these few rules, Tom, we'll have no problems. Your little "bromance" can continue. Who knows? Maybe you two will be starring side-by-side in a movie here soon. You know Rob will pull some strings for you. We can make this work, TomStu.

I'll leave you with this.
Bro's before hoe's does NOT apply in this situation.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus.

This is a great day for me.
I know I may never, wait, let me rephrase that. I WILL never see Robert Pattinson naked.
I know, I know, such a tragedy. But, TMZ released this video and I couldn't believe my eyes.
It's the closest thing to Rob porn I will ever get.


Friday, June 5, 2009


I have nothing to say. No witty comebacks, no insight.

My mind is totally blank. Watch this and you'll understand why.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Ohh, busted!

Well, I posted the picture of Kristen and her pipe a couple days ago. But, thank goodness, TMZ.com has a video of it.

Like I said before, it's a free world, smoke it up. But, shouldn't you atleast try to be a little bit more secret about it? I mean, you're outside in the daylight, hittin' a pipe, and looking like white trash. Come on. You're now a millionaire. You could've alteast put on a Gucci dress and washed your hair. Or, better yet, maybe ever BRUSHED it.

This has me shaking my head and asking myself, "Why, Rob? Why HER?".

Then, I see this video of my beloved Robert Pattinson talking to a paparrazi while being just a little intoxicated, and you know what? It made me forget all about his bad taste in women.

Rob loves the booze just as much as I do. That's why I think we would be okay together. I think we could go out, get nastily drunk, stop and get some Taco Bell, and then go home and burn off the calories. No whiskey, though. You know what they say about whiskey dick.

All in all I can see him not being the jealous type that doesn't like his girlfriend going out and tipping back a couple cold ones. I see him being the type to go out with her and getso sloppy drunk, he may even table dance. Karaoke at best. And we all know his vocals are immaculate.

Well, I can't lie anymore. We did go out. We did get sloppy drunk. He was supporting me with every drink I took. He even held my hair back once for me when I had too much of the Budlight. I was lucky enough to have a friend snap a picture of us during our wonderful night out, though.

Look how excited he is to see me loving on that beer.

Rob, you get an A+ for being an awesome and supporting boyfriend.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Just a day to reflect..

Despite what I would like to say about the Robsten rumors still going stong, I'm not going to waste my time.

Instead, I'm just going to post this video and let everyone see WHY exactly it is that we love Robert Pattinson.

Just look at those faces. Yeah, some might resemble the face of a constipated man, but the others are faces of an Angel.

I just wanted to post something positive today and not hatefilled. I think today is a peaceful day, and a day to not get irrate over the recent conclusion everyone has come to about Robsten.

I just hope it's false because I don't want to catch anything.


I just died.

See, I told you I was going to be nice to Kristen today. No bashing, no assumptions, just good old fashioned Robert Pattinson ooling.

Rob may be goofy and awkward, but that's why we love him.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Fact or fiction?

Since everyone is tweeting and posting about what "supposedly' happened after the MTV Movie awards between Rob and kristen, I had no choice but to read the articles by the gossip sites.

GOSSIP being the key word.

Here's the article.

"X17 photographers were the ONLY ones to catch Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson after a steamy night together, post-MTV Movie Awards!The Twilight co-stars are DEFINITELY off-screen sweethearts as well, as these exclusive pictures confirm. After the awards show, Rob and Kristen headed to Cecconi's for a bite to eat, and the duo left the trendy eatery around 11pm, and they were followed by a police escort to The Charlie Hotel in West Hollywood (Charlie Chaplin's old house). The lovebirds booked themselves a private chateau, and we didn't see them again until noon, when they emerged from their bungalow, looking like they'd both just rolled out of bed!Our X17 photographer on the scene tells us exclusively:"Rob was preoccupied with getting all of his stuff in the car and Kristen was hiding behind her sunglasses, looking a little tired, but waiting to say goodbye. Right before Rob got in the SUV, the couple stood together behind the car door and I'm pretty sure there was a brief kiss!"Rob was whisked away to LAX in a dark SUV, and Kristen retreated to the bungalow, presumably to catch up on sleep.Rob and Kristen def seem to be teasing their fans with this are-they-or-aren't-they relationship, but X17online can announce to Twilight fanpires - this relationship is for real!"

Okay, now that that's out of the way. I don't know if I should believe it or not. You know what they say. It can only be a rumor for so long before you actually start believing it.

I'm not sure I'm ready to take that leap.

If Rob wants to shack up with Kristen, hey, it's his penis. I should be happy for him, and want him to get what he wants in life. I just don't know if I can see Rob and Kristen's future.

They would probably quit acting after the final Twilight Saga film is released, and of course start their own business venture. I can see it now.

They will open up a Hemporium. All things related will be sold inside. They will move in an apartment overtop of the Hemporium so that Kristen can greet and treat all customers with the best customer service there is. I just hope poor Rob can sleep with the lights from the sign on the building for his store. Look how bright it is.

Reguardless, I want him to be happy. I mean, I guess I can see them starting a family and all the cheesy joy that comes with that. I mean, I'm sure Rob's even pictured this in his head for awhile now. The love of his life, her bong, and their daughter! I'm sure he even has a picture stored somewhere on his ancient laptop of them all together. Of course, he made it in paint, so it's not the best. But, he atleast has a little reminder.

Okay, I think I can accept this. I can go on with my life not hating Kristen for landing the best looking creature God has ever created. Mr. Pattinson himself. I can accept that one day there will be little Robstews running around in their Hollywood mansion. I can accept that it will never be me.

So, I can say this now. Rob, go, be happy with Kristen. I'm just a hater. I shouldn't hate you or her. I should hate the game. Fly free, young Rob.

Just one more thing to say............


Rob, hon, you're young, hot, and rich. Go wild, play the field, be a sex animal! Test the water before you dive in, test drive the car before you buy it, and for goodness sake, be the community bicycle and give everyone a ride!! STARTING WITH ME!

Now that I have that out of my system, New Moon Movie . org posted a hilarious video. I'm pretty sure it mimics Jeralyn and I on Sunday night when we first watched the New Moon trailer. Check these chicks out.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Rob, you shook me ALL night longgg.

Let me just start by saying the MTV Awards last night were AMAZING. I couldn't have asked for a better 2 hours in my life. Everytime Rob stepped up on that stage, or his beautiful face was on that huge screen, I swear my heart stopped.

I'm not surprised that they won for the best kiss award. Twi-hards voted their asses off. Best movie? Well, duh. Best Male Breakthrough Performace? OF COURSE! It's ROB. Best Fight? Yes, two hot guys fighting will make any girl swoon. Best female performance for Kristen Stewart, ehh. I can't really say that I voted for that one. Sue me!

Now this was very interesting. Not because I was about to throw up. It may or may not have been from the alcohol I consumed, or it could've been out of pure jealousy. I'm betting on the second one. But, either way, it's clear that Rob was kind wishing he could've inched a little closer to her face. I'm guessing it's not because he wanted to lock lips with her, I'm thinking he was wanting to get a little closer to her hair to get that second hand buzz from her pot scented hair. We ALL know she toked up before she came! I mean come on. She couldn't even hold onto her Award.

Next time just smoke an ounce and not a pound, okay Kristen?

All in all, the cast all looked wonderful. Minus Kristens getting dressed in the dark and busting out the Chuck T's with no socks. I feel bad for whoever she was sitting next to. I'm sure feet and popcorm isn't a smell that can be regaurded as good.

As for Rob, he looked dashing. The blue jacket with the dark pants, Lord have Mercy. I'm not going to lie, I needed a couple "restroom breaks". How can someone be so backwards, and humble, and yet burst with beauty? I don't know either, but, Mr. Pattinson sure knows how to pull it off.

He's in NYC today to start filming his new "untitled" movie. Either "Remember Me" or "Memoirs". Either name will be just fine. It could be called "Shit Sack" and I'd still go see it 48274267289 times.

Last, and not least, what every Twi-hard/Rob fanatic in the world was waiting for. The New Moon Trailer. MTV DELIEVERED!! It was probably the best moment of the night. I'm glad I had my friend Jeralyn here to support me when they showed it. I had to hold onto someone and I'm pretty sure she almost had a heart attack, too. Chris Weitz is the MAN! That's all I'm going to say. It would've been even better if Jasper would've ate Bella's face off...I'm just kidding. Don't kill me for saying that.

So, without further procrastination, here it is. The most AMAZING thing I've seen in MONTHS.


P.S- Thank you, Robert Pattinson for giving me all the dirty thoughts and wet dreams in the world for the rest of my life from just being on MTV for two hours. You've really made my life. Just as Jerry McGuire said back in the day..."You complete me..."